A truth for a not Tuesday day
Christmas is 15 days away. I haven’t seen my oldest in a little over a year. I miss him. I only know what’s going on with him when he says something on Facebook. I’ve tried keeping in touch but he doesn’t seem to want to. I don’t know if he is mad at us, hates me or what. At about 10 or so he stopped being a huggy kind of kid and has been more like my ex, very “i don’t care” and it’s rough. He is in NY with my brother and incubator and sperm donor. I know at the time it was best for him to go there but it ended up ending any relationship I had with him. It has been bothering me more and more lately and I don’t know what to do with this.
I miss him. He’ll be 20 in February.
I don’t know when or if I’ll see him again.
Guilt and pain and the holiday season and a not exactly perfect living environment have combined to make me feel sad.